Have you ever participated in a game of Tug ‘O War?
Two teams battle and hold on to a rope. The winning team is the team which gets the majority of the rope on their side.
In grade school, we played this game during our Olympic Sports day. I remember pulling with all my strength, gritting my teeth and getting rope burns on my hands in the process. The game’s struggle is not only the pulling of the rope, but also watching out so you aren’t stepped on or trampled by team mates.
Although it was a team effect, everyone could fall into “me” effect by not working as a team, but rather overstepping onto other team members or even disregarding the team.
When Marriage is an “I” not a “We”
Isn’t this how marriage can be sometimes?
We say with our mouths it’s a team effort, but in our actions we declare we are working alone.
My agenda over a team agenda.
- This can cause friction and a displacement of intimacy.
- Alienation from each other
- Working harder instead of working smarter
- Hard feelings or resentment towards our spouse
- Overwhelming conditions for either spouse
When I think about the periods of my marriage where I played the game of Tug ‘O War, I think of household chores or parenting.
I’ve felt I was doing more, which then caused my attitude to change toward my spouse. Instead of having the mindset of serving, I was thinking I was master.
Tug ‘O War with Faith Life
As I was thinking about this, God inspired me to think about how this works in our faith life too.
God wants us to be in an intimate relationship with our spouse where God is the third member of this relationship. We don’t do life as individuals, but as a team.
Matthew 19:4-6 (NLT)
4 “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’[a]” 5 And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’[b] 6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.
How do we know how God is acting in our spouse’s heart if we don’t become united into one?
God could be pricking their hearts in regards to something, and we would miss God acting if we aren’t in close connection.
I want to work together with my spouse to see both of our faith lives to grow, instead of playing “me” versus “him.”
When you do kingdom work in marriage, it requires the marriage to be united as one. Click To Tweet
God tells us in the Bible that a cord of three is stronger than just one or two acting alone.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT)
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
In order to know how God is leading my husband in his faith life, I need to be in close communication with not only my husband, but with God also.
Don’t you want blessings in your marriage, your faith and purpose in kingdom work?
7 Questions I’m asking my husband this year
- Is God prompting you in a certain direction this year?
- How can I support you better if God is leading you to something?
- Do you have any prayer needs that you haven’t told me about or would like me to focus on?
- Is there something I could be doing better in our marriage?
- Have I done anything lately which caused you pain or frustration?
- Where do you envision us in the future?
- How do you think we can grow more in faith together this year?
Heavenly Father- Thank you for blessing me with my spouse. You chose my husband for me. God, you have plans for us together in our marriage for kingdom work. My selfishness or agenda likes to rear its ugly head many times. As a result, help me change my mindset from “me” to an “us.” Please grow my faith, my husband’s faith and our faith life which is interconnected together. Weave our desires together and give us the zeal to want to do kingdom work together.In your precious Son’s name! Amen