15 Ways We Keep the Spark Alive

I like the idea of a garden. Who doesn’t like the thought of fresh produce out of your own yard?

In the spring, I pour over seed magazines. I draw out my garden plot on graphing paper and can’t wait till the UPS driver delivers my seeds.

Once the weather cooperates and the temperature gets right for working in the dirt, I’m out there. My husband uses our rototiller in my planting areas and I plant all my seeds.

The first few weeks, I’m excited so I spend time in the dirt each day.

Over time, the hot weather or bugs start to keep me from placing a foot inside my garden.

If we go away for an extended weekend, the weeds overtake the garden. By this time, I might try and weed, but usually, I just give up.

It’s too much work.

I vow to myself that this is my last year. Next year I’ll just go to the Farmer’s Market and get veggies.

At the end of the season, I do get vegetables out of my garden. They aren’t great vegetables because they definitely show how little love I gave them during the growing season.

Working Your Marriage

Gardening is a lot like marriage.

This year we are celebrating 18 years of marriage, but we’ve been together for 24 years.

In the beginning, the excitement over a new relationship trumped everything else. It was just exhilarating and our worlds revolved around each other.

Then responsibilities increased, kids happened and soon our worlds involved more than just us.

Now it’s easy to put our relationship at the bottom of the list. We both have lots of work to do, kids and to-do lists.

We are both tired at the end of most days. Finding time alone with five kids is sometimes an impossible feat.


Here’s what I’ve come to realize, this relationship is the most important connection outside of the relationship with God.

Intimacy doesn’t happen without intentional action, not with God or my husband.

In the midst of all our doing, what’s keeping us together?

How are we keeping the spark alive?

15 Ways to Keep the Passion Alive

  1. Share Life- the big things and the little things.
  2. Remember the “beginning times,” the butterflies and the excitement.
  3. Hold hands
  4. Look your best for your spouse.
  5. Give little gifts of love. It doesn’t mean spending money. (My husband travels for work so I send cards in his bag and put clean sheets on the bed when he returns so he can enjoy a freshly made bed.)
  6. Stand by each other. Fight for each other.
  7. Hug and kiss your spouse. Public displays can have an impact on your spouse too.
  8. Have regular date nights.
  9. Spend time doing your spouse’s hobby. (My husband hunts, so I have gone in the tree stand, camo and all in order to spend time with him).
  10. Send texts during the day.
  11. Encourage your spouse.
  12. Compliment your spouse.
  13. Regular bedroom activity. Wink Wink.
  14. Nurture each other’s faith. Pray together.
  15. Be your spouse’s top cheerleader. Life is hard. Be the hands and feet of Jesus to your spouse.

Let’s Get to Work

We can’t expect the spark to stay alive in our relationship if we sit back and put no effort into it.

This union needs nurturing and protection.

When the difficult seasons come, we need to be intentional and make it a priority.

It won’t grow unless we take action. If we put in the time now, the fruit of our labor will show in the end.

I want to keep this spark alive,  instead of just smoldering and dying out.

What ways do you keep the spark alive in your marriage?


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17 thoughts on “15 Ways We Keep the Spark Alive

  1. Congrats on 18 years, Julie!! Thanks for sharing all the wisdom and advice. You’re so right- our marriages are out most important relationships after the one we have with Christ!

  2. Awesome tips, Julie! I found out my husband’s love language is verbal affirmation so I make a point to thank him regularly for what he does for our family. Not just lip service, but from my heart. (I actually wrote him a thank you card at Christmas listing all the specifics and we both teared up!) The other main action I take is I’ve found that love is a choice. Choosing to love when it’s not always easy is powerful. Thanks for your post. Sharing it!

  3. Congrats on 18 years! You know, out of the list above, I love the one that says to hold hands. It’s such a little thing but if anything reminds me that I’m safe/special/thought of/not alone… it’s that one action. Love that you included that one! Glad we were on #TestimonyTuesday together! xxoo

    1. Christine- thank you! I need to be better about physical touch with my husband. That’s his love language and so many times I’m touched out from the kids. I need to be more intentional about this though!

  4. awesome tips – love the camo and tree stand! kathi lipp’s book on The Husband Project is a great read, as well. Bless us everyone in our long-standing marriages, in trees or other places.

  5. After 40+ years of marriage, I can vouch for your tips. The big game changer for us came when we learned about love languages. Discovering each other’s languages (receptive & expressive) can enrich your relationship tremendously. Blessings from your neighbor at Holley’s

    1. Alice- so glad you stopped! Congrats on the years of marriage!
      Yes love languages are important. I need to re-read the book about it soon!

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