Have you ever wondered why you don’t get the butterflies and sweaty palms from your significant other any more? Do you fear that it means you aren’t attracted to them any longer?
During freshman year, I saw this handsome, brown-haired guy.
He was not only cute, but he could make me laugh. My stomach felt like I was on an endless roller coaster ride. I was on cloud nine when he talked to me. Everything was going right in my world, and I had ultra-focus on him. All day long I was locked in a perpetual daydream; starring him and I.
Remember the butterflies and the sweaty palms you’d get around your crush the first few weeks? Your mind was stuck on this person; nothing else really mattered.
This new infatuation could have looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame and had the breath of a dragon, but somehow your mind overlooked all these qualities and focused only on all the wonderful, positive things.
Many call this “puppy love” or infatuation; it is a fleeting feeling. Studies say it only lasts 18 months to 3 years.
Puppy Love Characteristics:
- Spend all your time together (aka clingy)
- Your phone becomes a new bodily appendage (aka codependent)
- You share things that you wouldn’t with your gynecologist
- Intense and quick feelings
- Selfishness (we want what makes us happy)
We get stuck on the lack of these feelings, don’t we?
We think something is wrong with us- or our relationship- when we aren’t feeling it in our stomachs, or our hands don’t get sweaty.
Now, I’m not saying that your spouse can’t give you those feelings, but generally they don’t last all day for weeks on end. (If they do, what’s your secret?)
What happened to all those feelings?
Someone once said, “where puppy love ends, the relationship begins.”
I don’t know about you, but my expectations were all wrong. I’ve felt guilt and shame because, the majority of the time, I don’t have the butterflies. As a result, I thought something was wrong with me or my relationship.
What I’ve realized is: my relationship is so much better than puppy love. My relationship is mature and weathered. I don’t need to impress my husband any longer; he knows the real me.
Even on days when I do something dumb and hurtful.
What Love Is:
- Strong foundation that happens gradually
- Deepening emotional bond
- Care about the desires and well-being of the other person
- Stable (it doesn’t come and go)
- Embraces the quirks and oddities of the other person
- Encourages the other person to be the person they want to be
Isn’t this what we desire in our hearts? A stable, never-ending sweet spot which embraces us in our good and bad days.
God’s Love Is the Role Model
God’s devotion for us is all of this and more. He is our model of love for the significant other in our life.
Mature love moves us to fight and fix rather than forget and fail.
When we understand and accept God’s tenderness for us, we can then delight in our spouses in the way God designed us to.
Loving our spouses is loving Jesus.
(Matthew 25:40, NLT).
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,[a] you were doing it to me!’