One kid was sitting on my foot and another was clawing at my face, all I could hear was “Mom, Mom.” I sighed, as my heart rate shot up and I yelled: “Stop!”
I needed to chant these words to myself- I am calm. I am peaceful. My child isn’t driving me loony. He will not end up in juvey or jail, due to our lack of connection.
My kids have some annoying behaviors or personality quirks, which cause me irritability. On those days, I try everything within myself to get a grip before I go ballistic.
Cleansing breaths on repeat. Please tell me I’m not alone?
For example, one of my kids likes for me to put his socks on him. Somehow I put them on better!?! He has to have all the lines lined up on his feet, or I need to re-do them.
OK, so this doesn’t sound bad you might be thinking, but at six in the morning or the multiple times I do it in a day, it’s extremely annoying. Let me add also, he’s older than six, he should be able to handle this.
Having conflicting personalities can cause life-long issues if they are addressed in a negative way, or if a parent labels their child.
If a child is constantly being reprimanded for his differences, as a result, the child may grow up thinking something is wrong with them and feel like he lacks connection.
How Not to Apply Labels
When I was little, I was gregarious and friendly with everyone. I was a deep thinker and needed to emotionally connect with others.
My other family members weren’t wired like me, so it caused a lot of strife in our family. I couldn’t understand them and they couldn’t understand me.
It was a mismatch of emotions and personalities. It was frustrating to all of us. Labels were affixed, and those labels have been carried on in my mind and heart.
Now as a parent, I don’t want to repeat this cycle. I don’t want my kids to feel like the odd man out, and I certainly don’t want to stick labels.
What do we do when our psyche is so different from our kids?
How About Dropping the Expectations and Consider Connection
I love my kids, but can I admit that one of them has a conflicting personality with mine. It’s like I’m constantly trying to lead a stubborn donkey into the barn. Everything is a struggle, and it’s so hard to keep my cool.
I do own two donkeys and can I just say they are stubborn buggers.
Do you ever wish your child was different? You don’t say it out loud, but you’ve thought it in your head?
Honestly, I have, I wish my child was more easy-going and more agreeable. So I’d like to ditch the stubbornness, argumentative traits and connect to him more.
My expectation is that my child will act the way I want them to. Reality says my kids are learning and developing and I can’t expect them to be how I want them to.
However, when our children don’t mesh with our temperament, we can feel frustrated. Discouragement, unhappiness, fear or even resentment can be overcoming emotions we feel.
We may pull back in frustration and aggravation; the bond between us slowly is diminished. As the child ages, distance might increase due to the clash of personalities.
They Don’t Need to be Me
The thing is: do we want our kids to be just like us?
Honestly ponder this for a minute…sometimes I drive myself nuts. I don’t want another me nearby. I just said Amen out-loud.When we do a perspective shift, we can thank God for the differences between our child and us. Click To Tweet
How God Uses Conflict to Inspire Growth
I firmly believe God puts people in our lives to help us change our hearts. I need to work on patience, so God sends me a child who is stubborn.
The jokes on her God says that’ll teach her patience.
So, God sent me a fickle and disagreeable blessing to work control out of me.
God didn’t make another you, He made your child. Click To Tweet
In the Bible, we can read about David and his son, Absalom.
Read 2 Samuel 14:25-18
Absalom tries to take over his Father’s throne, so Absalom gets the people to agree with him albeit through lies. He was jealous of his father’s popularity, so he schemed to get the people’s devotion shifted from his dad to him.
Eventually, Absalom wanted to kill his father, so David fled the city. The story ended with David returning to claim his throne, and Absalom was killed instead.
I think this story turns out ironic, the conniving son gets what he sowed.
Don’t you think David wished his son had turned out differently, that they connected better? Absalom’s actions probably were grating and irritating to David.
They had other differences too.
- David walked with God, and Absalom didn’t.
- David’s eyes were set on eternal things, while Absalom was more interested in worldly gains.
- David believed in God leading him, Absalom led himself.
Move Forward and Connect with Your Child
As a parent, we can follow the tips above, but is there something else we can do?
We can ask God to help us accept the differences, to love consistently and be the biggest cheerleader for our child.
Some days we will get it wrong, so it’s important to give grace to ourselves as we become intentional in this parenting journey.
God promises to give us wisdom and perspective when we ask Him. He can help us love our children in their own uniqueness. Only He can give us the control to keep us restrained when our kids drive us crazy.
May our connection with our offspring be genuine and enduring. Acceptance and love are important gifts we can give to our children.
Heavenly Father- Thank you for the blessing of my child. I need your wisdom and guidance as I journey through parenting. Father, this is hard work. Help me embrace my child in their differences and help me overlook the mismatch between us. Give me the ability to connect and unconditionally love this child. Amen.
“The miracle of children is that we just don’t know how they will change or who they will become.”
-Eileen Kennedy- Moore
This post is shared here at these sites.