Why My Worth Is Emerging for Me Now

Today I am sharing at Cisneros Cafe. Carolina was one of the first bloggers I met through Compel Training. She is smart, witty and driven. I am thankful for her and all of the encouragement she has given me through my first year of blogging. Carolina is going to go far as a writer. I hope you will check out her blog.

Throughout my whole life, I’ve felt unwanted. When I was a young child, those closest to me threatened to give me up. These individuals were supposed to be my safe place- my home. In reality, it felt like I was some pet that could be dropped off at a shelter without any regards to worth.

As an adolescent, I soon kept a mental scorecard where I could check and reaffirm my feelings of unworthiness. The sports teams chose me last- check! I didn’t make the cheerleading squad- check! Soon, the scorecard became such proof to me of my inability to be loved that I couldn’t trust anyone to hold my heart.

So began my desire to make others like me. Maybe if I studied hard enough, I could prove my worth. The problem was, I never got the words “I’m proud of you.” So, my self-struggle kept enduring. Control became something that I had to have- even if the whole idea was really unachievable.

  • How could I prove my worth?
  • What could I do to make others love me or even want me around?
  • If I do let my guard down, will that person fail me? Can I trust them?

For 38 years, I believed these lies, but it’s stopping now in 2017. I’m ready to be me. The real broken me; the real me who wants love just as I am.

Why My Worth is Emerging for Me Now. The past can leave us with assumptions about ourselves. We may feel worthless or unwanted. God has chosen us and loved us even in our worst shape. We can begin again forgetting the past and looking ahead to the future, wanted and redeemed.

How to Find Worth When You Feel Unwanted

My problem is that the devil still likes to dig up the thoughts of the past and remind me of what I am not to so many people. Satan likes to tell me that if others don’t like me, how can I expect for God to treasure me.

My past has influenced my faith, so I have a hard time grasping and feeling the love that God has for me. 

Isn’t that silly?

The Bible says that God loves me, calls me worthy, and wants me as His child. I know when I question what God says to me, it affects my faith. The ultimate form of love given for me was the sacrifice on the cross, so why can’t I feel it?

How can I grasp and hold tight to this in order to feel secure, safe, and supported? My faith needs a major overhaul in beginning again as a beloved child of God.

 Follow me to Carolina’s blog

This post is shared at #TestimonyTuesday ,   #TeaAndWord ,  #RaraLinkup , #TuesdayTalk ,   #SittingAmongFriends ,   #TellHisStory ,   #CoffeeforYourHeart ,

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21 thoughts on “Why My Worth Is Emerging for Me Now

  1. Julie, I can identify with the being chosen last, etc… But like you I have learned that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, that God loves me just as I am with all my flaws, etc. Thanks for sharing your story and reminding us all of our worth in Christ.

    Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #InspireMeMonday.

    1. Gayl- I’m glad He loves us just as we are. He also knows our potential when we can’t see it. Blessings to you also!

  2. Hi Julie,
    I’m blessed to be your neighbor over at #TeaAndWord today! Yes, these are such beautiful and important thoughts. I think you are right, that it is a life-long process to realize how much we are loved and accepted by God. I love that Zephaniah verse, it’s one of my favorites. Thank you for these re-assuring words from the Lord today!

  3. Beautiful words–thank you for sharing your story. All too often we assume that people are fine (and they often assure us that they are), when in reality, people are full of pain. May God continue to show you his love and may he assure you that YOUR picture is on his refrigerator :).

  4. When we doubt ourselves, we need to look at our lives from God’s point of view. He will never create a mistake or a failure.

    Beautiful reminder.

  5. We tend to believe that which we can feel, but God gives us His Word so we can hang on to truth even when our feelings are contrary it. It’s definitely a skill that always needs work! thanks for the post!

  6. It’s so easy to believe those lies huh. Especially as we can see the ‘evidence’ for them. My connect group leader was saying last night that she’s stopped self evaluating and has asked Jesus to point things out when the time is right. She said it’s been very freeing!

  7. For me, knowing someone loved me unconditionally was the start of learning to live looking at Him instead of myself and my past. I come from such a rough growing up years, married way too young, learned the hard way in most everything I ever did. Then I met the Savior at 35 and it’s been a freedom walk ever since. I say walk because it’s an ongoing journey of leaning on His love and not others. Great post.

    1. Betty- I’m so glad you meet our Savior and He’s giving you gifts to overcome the past! It’s an exciting journey with twists and turns, isn’t it?

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