Inside: My past has influenced my faith, so I have a hard time grasping the love that God has for me. However, my worth is emerging for me now.
Today I am sharing at Cisneros Cafe. Carolina was one of the first bloggers I met through Compel Training. She is smart, witty and driven. I am thankful for her and all of the encouragement she has given me through my first year of blogging. Carolina is going to go far as a writer. I hope you will check out her blog.
Throughout my whole life, I’ve felt unwanted. When I was a young child, those closest to me threatened to give me up. These individuals were supposed to be my safe place- my home. In reality, it felt like I was some pet that could be dropped off at a shelter without any regards to worth.
As an adolescent, I soon kept a mental scorecard where I could check and reaffirm my feelings of unworthiness. The sports teams chose me last- check! I didn’t make the cheerleading squad- check! Soon, the scorecard became such proof to me of my inability to be loved that I couldn’t trust anyone to hold my heart.
So began my desire to make others like me. Maybe if I studied hard enough, I could prove my worth. The problem was, I never got the words “I’m proud of you.” So, my self-struggle kept enduring. Control became something that I had to have- even if the whole idea was really unachievable.
- How could I prove my worth?
- What could I do to make others love me or even want me around?
- If I do let my guard down, will that person fail me? Can I trust them?
For 38 years, I believed these lies, but it’s stopping now in 2017. I’m ready to be me. The real broken me; the real me who wants love just as I am.
How to Find Worth When You Feel Unwanted
My problem is that the devil still likes to dig up the thoughts of the past and remind me of what I am not to so many people. Satan likes to tell me that if others don’t like me, how can I expect for God to treasure me.
My past has influenced my faith, so I have a hard time grasping and feeling the love that God has for me.
Isn’t that silly?
The Bible says that God loves me, calls me worthy, and wants me as His child. I know when I question what God says to me, it affects my faith. The ultimate form of love given for me was the sacrifice on the cross, so why can’t I feel it?
How can I grasp and hold tight to this in order to feel secure, safe, and supported? My faith needs a major overhaul in beginning again as a beloved child of God.