Inside: I couldn’t change my circumstances, but I knew He could. What my anxiety taught me about praise and worship couldn’t have been learned any other way!
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The weather outside my bathroom window was stormy, windy and the snow was coming down. It was a weird February day because we were having a thunder snowstorm. It was gloomy outside, and the weather matched what my heart was feeling.
I felt like the storm would never blow over both outside and inside my body. It was slowly going to take me out.
I was stuck and my willpower was gone. I couldn’t get out of the gloom around me. The purple circles were evident under my eyes and my hair looked as though a brush hadn’t been through it in a few days. The weather outside only seemed to mock me. It made me feel like this would never let up.
Have you been there? Those seasons where you think this will never end?
On this particular day, I had had enough. In desperation, I finally surrendered my white flag and admitted to God that I was done trying in my own strength. I couldn’t do it any longer. I drew my line right there on the bathroom floor.
It was a checkmate between God and myself, no advancing was going to happen for me unless I relinquished my fight to Him.
I was chasing my tail and going in pointless circles. My fight had smoldered out.
When I dropped to my knees in submission to God, a strange thing happened to me. It wasn’t strange at the time, but looking back now through the eyes of introspection. I can see a juxtaposition.
Anxiety to comfort.
Powerlessness to perfection.
Frail human to Almighty Creator.I couldn’t change my circumstances, but I knew He could. I was out of strength and perseverance, but He had an unlimited amount. Click To Tweet
What My Anxiety Taught Me about God
Anxiety gave me the ability to genuinely worship God.
The definition of worship is the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity. Or honor given to someone in recognition of their merit. (Source: Merriam-Webster).
Don’t we worship well when life is going well? True worship is when life sinks you and even at the end of yourself in weakness you confess God still reigns.
I learned that ever in the worst of times, God was still good.
Let us journey back to the Israelites because they are a lot like us. We don’t think we need God when life is smooth sailing, but when the waves come we need Him.
The background is the Israelites, living in Jerusalem, have again fallen away from God. The prophet Isaiah is warning them to return to God or judgment and destruction will come their way.
The Israelites appear to be worshiping God, but only God could tell the truth. The Israelites decided to trust enemy nations like Assyria and Egypt instead of the faithful God, who had seen them through time and time again. The Lord tells Isaiah the Israelites are not offering their hearts to God like they should be.
13 And so the Lord says,
“These people say they are mine.
They honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
And their worship of me
is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote (Isaiah 29:13, NLT).
Isn’t it true many times, we go through the motions and say rote prayers?
When we are stuck in a hard season, we find the true meaning of worship. We bear out our soul to God and get an influx of joy, mercy, and comfort. We begin to become reverent to the power of the Almighty.
Our eyes become open and we start to see everything anew. God is better than He was before. We become choked up in awe of Him and He becomes brighter and stronger.
What do you think?