Inside: Is joy in marriage possible? God’s word says it is when we stay connected to Him. 5 simple tips to cultivate joy in your marriage!
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“And they lived happily ever after…”
I don’t know how many fairy tales end in this phrase; however, we grow up believing that this will be our destiny with our spouses.
Additionally, we expect to be among those who lived happily ever after.
On the contrary, what if reality and our expectations don’t mesh; maybe they aren’t even on the same planes.
The truth is we all want happy, long-lasting marriages. In addition, we want to find joy in our partner and our relationship.
However, real-life smacks us in the face. Struggles, personality differences, expectations, movies, or our friend’s marriages can make us feel almost gipped.
Joy is Hard to Find on Earth
Our marriage can feel like so much work sometimes.. .am I right or am I right?
Of course, we want it to be better but all the hard work makes us want to stick the meat thermometer in and yell, “I’m done.”
Perhaps you’ve told your spouse, “this is not how I want my marriage to be,” or maybe you feel this way but haven’t told anyone.
Friend- if you find yourself here, let me encourage you in the Word.
Even when it feels like our marriage is imploding and missing our expectations, we know with God, hope is available even in our marriages.
What is Joy?
Joy is such an important part of the walk in the Christian faith.
Kay Warren explains joy like this, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.”
Namely, joy is an ever-lasting conviction whereas happiness is fleeting.
Indeed, might I say, joy is essential to our life!
When we know God, His plans, His love for us, and His promises to us, we can walk through the valleys and mountain tops of life because we know He is steadfast.
Therefore, we rejoice in the Lord knowing that He is large and in-charge of all life.
Joy is a Gift from God
God has told us we are His children, we have the inheritance of eternal life, and victory is ours through our Savior’s death and resurrection. All these promises from God allow us to find joy.
In the same way, we can find joy in our marriages too.
Friend, if you’re thinking to yourself, “yay, right… you don’t know my marriage.” Or “I can’t even find happiness, how will I ever find joy!”
Please keep reading.
The truth is: God uses our marriage to grow us into the person He wants us to be. Those hard patches where we had to do everything to keep our tongues from wagging and keep our impatience under control, were all avenues to transform us.
Joy isn’t Found in Comparision of What We’re Missing
Here’s the thing, we can’t look at anyone’s marriage and compare ours to theirs. Each of us has a unique union and dance. God created us for this uniqueness.
While it’s tempting to look at our friend’s marriage or the qualities of someone else’s spouse, a comparison will always crash happiness and joy.
First and foremost, you will never find either when you’re searching and wanting what you don’t have.
Just as in life, in our marriages, in order to find joy, we need to be attached to the Vine.
Connection with God is the first step to finding joy in all areas of life, including marriage.
How’s Your Connection with God?
(John 15:5 , NLT).
5 “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
Above all, we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us in our marriages:
- To transform us from selfishness to putting our spouse first
- Grow love when it’s hard and everything in us wants to run
- Find joy in the relationship with our spouse in each season
May God open our eyes to what marriage looks like Biblically and how our marriages can be used to further expand God’s kingdom.May God open our eyes to what marriage looks like Biblically and how our marriages can be used to further expand God’s kingdom. Click To Tweet
The fact of the matter is, we can only extend God’s goodness to others including our spouse when we’ve tasted the goodness of God and know God is the only one who can help our marriages reach their fullest potentials.
Apart from God, we will never find the joy in all relationships because God is the source of true joy.
God Uses Our Marriages to Grow Us
While we might feel like the rough patches in marriage are there to destroy our union, we can cling to God’s word that He uses struggles and turns those struggles into blessings if we just trust Him.
Will you trust Him with your marriage?
(1 Peter 1:6-7, NLT).
6 So be truly glad.[a] There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
(James 1:2-4, NLT).
2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
In fact, finding joy in our marriages is possible when we realize that we will never have the happily ever after unless we are yoked to our Savior.Finding joy in our marriages is possible when we realize that we will never have the happily ever after unless we are yoked to our Savior. #marriage #christianmarriage Click To Tweet
The true joy in life can’t be found apart from God.
Unless we are stuck to something steadfast, trouble and struggle will come and knock us off-kilter.
Expect Trouble in Your Marriage
Of course, this isn’t to say, two Christian spouses won’t have trouble ever.
Haven’t we fallen for this lie?
Indeed, we have been lead to believe that we shouldn’t have troubles in marriage, and if we do, something is wrong with us and our union.
Only couples who marriages are on the brink go to counseling…
What lies are you believing that aren’t based on truth?
Here are some things we need to do in order to find joy in all areas of life. We need to be:
- Connected to the Vine
- Growing in faith individually
- Growing in faith together
- Humble and other’s focused
- Offering forgiveness
- Understanding that God can use all struggles and problems for good.
In truth, the couples who intentionally do these things listed above, have a great chance to live in joy ever after.
Joy Begins with Christ
The foundation for our marriage should be Christ, and when He is center, we can find joy in our marriage in a world of fleeting emotions, including happiness.
“We are going to experience joy in this lifetime, there’s only one possible way: We will have to choose it. ~ Kay Warren
5 Things You Can Do Today for Your Marriage:
- Focus on the good things in your marriage
- Find joy right now
- Practice self-care. Fill yourself up so you can flow to others
- Stop the “what ifs”
- Laugh and do something fun with your spouse
(Psalm 16:11, NLT).
11 You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.[a]
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