Inside: God wants us to have a passionate love in marriage. We can’t expect it to happen without putting some work into it. We need to make the time for it.
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When I met my husband in high school, my stomach immediately filled with butterflies. He made me feel like I was the most important person around. I felt like I was on cloud nine with all the attention he gave me. My heart felt like it might beat out of my chest… and don’t get me started on my sweaty palms!
This boy was meow good-looking!
Fireworks were happening, and it wasn’t even close to the fourth of July. Life was exciting, and I couldn’t wait to spend time with my guy.
It felt like the whole world stood still because I was head over heels with a boy. My absent-minded thinking was in full force, and every minute was spent daydreaming about this boy.
How about you? Reminisce a little… did you feel the butterflies and fireworks, too?
After a few years of being in a relationship with the same guy, you wonder if the butterflies left the area and headed down south for an extended stay?!?
What the heck happened?
The Phases of Love
Here’s the thing: the nervousness and excitement become replaced with a deeper, mutual love. The “puppy dog love” is exchanged with a mature love, accompanied by respect and admiration for each other.
The spontaneity has worn off, and in its place, a routine, stable relationship has grown.
Which would you rather have?
If we’ve watched or even read any of the Nicholas Sparks’ books, we might think we’re missing out on the intensity of love and passion as showcased in his books.
We start to think something is wrong with us or with our significant other when that intensity isn’t there, don’t we?!?
First of all, there are chemical changes that happen within our brains when we meet and become infatuated with a new guy.
Researchers have said that falling in love is much like the sensations you would get when you become addicted to drugs. Chemicals are released, causing a euphoria in our bodies.
The more time you spend with your new crush, the more attracted and addicted to them you become. Isn’t this why we were fine to miss our curfew, even though we knew dad would skin our hide?!?
As our relationship moves through infatuation to attachment, the chemicals change in quantity, and that is the reason why we don’t get the same bodily symptoms and why we aren’t daydreaming as much any longer.
These reactions within our body help us bond to our heartthrob. So while we might miss the feelings we had, God’s design to a long fulfilling relationship is orchestrating.
The term “falling in love” isn’t found in the Bible because love is greater than the totality of feelings. Love is an intentional choice even when the passion and excitement are long gone. Love is stable and unconditional regardless of the sweaty palms and fireworks.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
We Can Rekindle the Passion
Secondly, we don’t have to put away our butterfly nets and assume that they will never reappear. We can get those butterflies to return with a vengeance if we put a little bit of intentionality in our relationship. It only requires that we leave our rut and step outside the mundane of life.
Here’s the thing: God wants us to have a passionate, exciting, and fulfilling marriage. We can’t expect it to happen without putting some work into it. In order to make it happen, we need to make the time for it.
How to Get Back Those Butterflies:
- Begin kissing again.
- Reenact the past (go back to the time you were newly in love).
- Go on dates regularly.
- Make-out sessions.
- Increase your physical touch throughout the day.
- Tell your partner what you like.
- Try something new.
- Flirt with your husband.
- Try to give him the butterflies.
- Focus on him and his needs.
- Spend time talking and connecting with your spouse.
A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your MarriageIntended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian MarriageBuilding the Passion in your MarriagePursuing Passion in your Marriage (feat. Dr. Juli Slattery and Mrs. Linda Dillow)
Making Love a Verb
When I think back to those high school days, my giddiness comes back. Honestly, life keeps me busy, so I need to be intentional about remembering and choosing to do these things that give us both butterflies.
I do know that if I want a fulfilling and satisfying marriage, the one that God wants us to have, I need to start investing in it. If we put it off until our kids are older, we miss the opportunity know to grow in deeper love and connection.
What do you do to keep those fireworks happening?