Inside: The truth is God has made a new way for me through the wounds of the past. I had to believe He could start the healing with this prayer for healing.
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As I sat in the cold metal chair in my Oshkosh B’Gosh overall shorts and red flip-flops, I nonchalantly chewed on my fingernails. The waiting area was chilly even though outside, you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. I folded my legs under my bottom on the chair and hoped for warmer.
While I waited, thoughts tumbled in my head like the clothes in the dryer. Worst case scenarios were tugging at my ten-year-old heart. I didn’t comprehend why I was here other than I was naughty and if I didn’t behave, I would live with another family.
My palms began to sweat, my legs became weak, and I thought I might get sick.
Even though, my worst case scenario didn’t happen, in some ways, it already had.
Those who were supposed to love me unconditionally had made it contingent on my behavior. The people I could trust had deceived me.
As a child, I was alone and abandoned although not in the physical sense. I grew up believing I couldn’t trust anyone. I learned to become a people pleaser and I made every attempt to control situations around me. Defective was how I looked at myself.
Right there, I decided God was just like everyone else. If I broke His rules or failed to live up to His standards, He’d eventually figure me out and desert me too.
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