Why Can’t I Change? When You Keep Going Back to the Same Struggles

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Inside: Do you keep returning to the same struggles no matter how hard you try? Discover why old patterns seem so difficult to break and how Jesus can help renew your mind and transform your life.

I know better.

I know the warning signs.

I know what happens when I push too hard.

And yet…I do it anyway.

I unknowingly think I can do it all, not ask for help, go through hard seasons without taking a breath and then I almost put myself out of commission.

This has happened more times than I want to admit. And I continue to do it. (I just put my hand to my forehead.)

Maybe for you it’s…and ask yourself right now..is it?

• anxiety
• people pleasing
• negative self-talk
• losing your temper
• overeating
• worry
• Control

And maybe you have asked yourself this question: Why do I keep going back to the same struggles?

Friend, whatever your answer is, don’t let it convince you that change is impossible.

Jesus still makes all things new.

 

Why We Feel Stuck

 

I think I missed a lot of the beginner’s education when it came to the Christian life…

I know what the Bible tells me. I know what it says to pay attention to. I would hope I know better and usually have good intentions, but I get it wrong.

I repeat things I know aren’t good for me.

My thoughts don’t bring me closer to God and create joy and peace. Most times it’s the exact opposite. Yikes.

Knowing truth and living truth aren’t always the same thing. 

Example:

I know vegetables are healthy.

Doesn’t mean I eat them every day.

Same with thoughts.

Just because we know truth doesn’t mean we automatically live it.

 

We Are Not Stuck

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2, NLT).
Read that verse here.

Paul wasn’t saying: you need to do more..

He was saying: Be transformed.

Transformation is possible.

God designed our brains with the ability to change.

Science is discovering what God already knew.

What does this renewal look like?

It’s not instant, but it’s a journey where maybe we don’t spiral as long. Maybe in certain situations we don’t descend into the rut.

We get back up sooner.

It’s less trying harder, but grasping truth quicker. And applying that truth in more intentional ways.

 

What Peter Teaches Us

Peter in the Bible. He’s like me and like you, I imagine.

A human that wants to get it right but seems to get it wrong more often than not.

Peter repeats mistakes.

Over and over.

Impulsive.
Fearful.
Talks first.
Acts first.

Yet Jesus keeps shaping him.

Eventually Peter becomes bold.

Not overnight.

Over time.

Peter is me and maybe you too.

Not perfect.

Not polished.

Keeps messing up.

Jesus keeps loving us.

That’s what transformation often looks like—not perfection, but Jesus patiently shaping us over time. 

 

The Brain Creates Paths

 

Imagine walking through a field.

The first time is hard.

The hundredth time is easy.

Thoughts work the same way.

The more often we think:

• I’m not enough.
• I’m failing.
• Nobody understands.
• God is disappointed.

The easier those thoughts become.

Our brains like efficiency.

That’s why old patterns feel automatic.

Thoughts travel familiar routes in our brains.

The more we think a thought, the easier it becomes to think it again.

Over time, those thoughts can create deep ruts that pull us back into old patterns.

But here’s the good news: God designed our brains with the ability to create new pathways. 

Scientists call this neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to create new pathways and patterns over time 

Dr Caroline Leaf says You are not your brain. You control your brain.

As Christians, we might say it this way: You are not a prisoner to every thought that enters your mind. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, you can learn to recognize unhealthy thought patterns, replace lies with truth, and renew your mind.

By intentional actions, we can actually re-wire the brain.

Scripture has been teaching this all along.

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

We may not control every thought that enters our minds, but we can choose what we do with those thoughts once they arrive.

 

Why We Get Discouraged

 

Let’s be real…so many of us think:

“If I were really changing, I’d never struggle with this again.”

False.

Growth often looks like:

• noticing faster
• repenting sooner
• recovering quicker
• inviting God in earlier

That’s growth.

The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.
But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked (Proverbs 24:16, NLT).

Scripture reminds us that the righteous may fall seven times, but they rise again.

The goal isn’t never falling.

The goal is getting back up with God. 

 

The Cycle that Keep Us Stuck

For me, the pattern usually looks like this:

• I convince myself I can handle everything.
• I stop asking for help.
• I push through exhaustion.
• I ignore warning signs.
• Then I crash.

 My friend Shame, finds me.

The enemy of my soul loves to use those moments to pile on more shame. 

This shame derails me honestly. It pushes me back into the rut where I feel like this is how I will be forever. There’s no hope for me.

Gosh…it makes me feel like I could never be someone different or transformed.

 

Jesus Doesn’t Shame Us for Struggling

Shame keeps us focused on ourselves instead of focused on Jesus.

Jesus says come! Come as you are.

And shame says, “stay away.”

We looked at Peter, but let’s think of the woman at the well.

He pointed out her sin with love and encouraged her to leave her old ways.

Thomas wasn’t shamed for doubting, but Jesus showed him his scars.

Martha wasn’t criticized for her gifts of hospitality, but inspired to be less about busyness and more of enjoying the actual person in her presence.

Here’s what the enemy says to all of us: “Look at you. You’re still struggling.”

Jesus says: “Come closer.”

The enemy says: “You should be further along by now.”

Jesus says: “Keep walking with Me.” 

Jesus invites us to do the same today.

 

Quick Help: 3 Steps When You Notice a Pattern

If you have been nodding your head while you have been reading this post, this section might be helpful to you.

Scripture tells us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

That doesn’t mean we never have hard thoughts.

It means we learn to pause long enough to ask, “Is this thought leading me toward truth or deeper into the rut?” 

1. Notice It

Without shame.

Not: “I’m terrible.”

But: “Interesting. There it is again.”

2. Pause

Don’t react immediately.

Slow down.

Ask: “What am I believing right now?”

3. Invite God In

Ask: “Jesus, what is true?”

What do You want me to see?

 

The Part Nobody Wants to Hear

Change Usually Feels uncomfortable.

Your default is comfort.

Mine too.

Growth requires discomfort.

New pathways require repetition.

Trust requires surrender.

Change requires practice.

Not fun stuff just like getting in the gym isn’t fun, but as the saying says: “no pain, no gain.”

We need to take a step outside of comfort for growth.

Just like we need to tear down muscles to see physical change in our bodies.

 

Final Encouragement

 

Friend, the fact that you are noticing the pattern may actually be evidence that God is already changing you.

Paul reminds us:

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns (Philippians 1:6, NLT).

Years ago, you may not have recognized the rut at all.

Today you see it.

You feel conviction.

You want something different.

That’s not failure.

That’s transformation already at work.

Jesus isn’t finished with you yet.

 

Next Read Section

For tired hearts → link

Overcoming struggles → link

For when anxiety is present → link

 

Simple Ways I Reset When I Feel I Need Some New Thoughts

 (As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.)

When my body feels just as overwhelmed as my mind…
these are a few simple things I reach for to help me slow down and come back to peace:

• Prayer journal- link
• Bible highlighters- link
• Romans 12:2 print- link
• Gentle Reset- link
• Stress-to-Strength Toolkit- link

Nothing fancy—just simple tools that help create space to meet with Him. 💜