God Knows Who You Are Even If You Don’t
Today, I have my friend Meg joining this month’s series on “I’m the problem in my growth as a Christian.” I enjoy Meg’s writing, she’s down-to-earth and honest. Aren’t we all looking for others that can just be real? I hope you enjoy her post! Head over to her site and check out it out!
God Knows Who You Are Even If You Don’t
By Meghan Weyerbacher
I was a young child, dreaming big and believing the sky was the limit. There was a whole life ahead of me and my heart was filled with boatloads of ideas and inspiration on a daily basis. Days were spent traipsing across farmer’s fields, playing in nearby creeks, and scouting my surroundings from our treehouse-wanna-be.
There was plenty of time to just be me, to explore and discover. No pressure laid therein to figure out who I was going to be when I grew up because life as a child moved by slowly -days seeming as weeks, a treasure most of us adults can say we truly do miss.
What happened to those inspired blue eyes, lit up by daily curiosities that led to adventures untold? Where did she go? Why did she end up wandering off into the world ready to fashion her to its own mold?
Why did she enter the world as an empty glass desperately needing to be filled?
I can now answer that after many years of trekking the trails of trying too hard and proving myself.
It probably started as a young child when I would follow my dad around everywhere he went. As he tinkered, I would gaze. He would go outside to mow the lush green grass. I would follow. I would tag along with my little plastic mower and cover the yard opposite him. Those were the days I felt he loved me most.
There were many times that he would rather not be bothered though, but desired to just get his work done peacefully by himself. On the days when I didn’t feel welcome, I took it as a rejection and my insides would curl up in a ball and cry. Those were the days I felt unwanted.
A Case of Mistaken Identity
Measuring my worth against the reactions of others toward myself became a rotten habit. Wearing my heart on my sleeve, I frequently took things too personally.
I became an expert at trading who I was for who I thought others wanted me to be, God included.
I knew about God and thought I believed, but I left His path in my teen years to blaze my own trail in hopes of fixing the messes I had made.
The enemy saw that I was desperate to fill the Daddy-sized hole inside from day one, and he was diligent to make sure there was always something to fill it or cover it with other than Daddy himself.
From my earthly dad’s approval to job titles, marriage, friendships or even child-bearing – all these things could never fill God’s shoes. They would hand me temporal relief and mask the deeply rooted junk for a while, but eventually, the hurts would resurface begging to be dealt with.
Being stubborn and strong, I held all the pain in and pushed through life blending in. I continued to live in a numb state and created a hard outer shell to protect my delicate insides.
When we moved back home, I bravely took steps back into the church building hoping to find my place there, but over time I became dissatisfied once again.
Why couldn’t I see that I was seeking answers about myself and about God from everyone and everything but God himself?
I was so bent on doing right and being strong that I never let myself be fully real with church leaders, and every church I went to this repetitive cycle always seemed to show its ugly face.
I thought I needed to be whole, to be strong, to be a good girl for God and others. What I needed was, to be honest, to let myself break before him and let it all out.
Mystery Solved
When I stopped trying to find my identity in every other place, I found His arms of mercy. I found hope in Grace.
He told me he never required me to try to figure out who I was and make things right before coming to him. It never would’ve been possible and it was always in his plans for Jesus to bridge the gap.
God crafted humanity in his very own image (see Genesis 1:27) and it was only when I got close enough to Him that I could tenderly see Jesus’ reflection smiling back at me.
No longer striving to prove myself, I live from a place of contentment in knowing who I am in my Father’s eyes.
Friend, we all have significance. We all matter to God. We all have a place in His arms, accepted as is. No need for fronts, no need to fight for a place of purpose. A Family Circus comic strip recently reminded me that we don’t divide our love amongst our children, we multiply it.
“You are the body of the Anointed, the Liberating King; each and every one of you is a vital member.”
1 Corinthians 12:27 The Voice
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Julie, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for being so inspiring and kind. This meant so much to be able to share this message with others! Love and hugs and always prayers. – Meg
Meg- it’s fun doing ministry with you!
~Julie
Yes, I concur, friend! Fun and blessed!!
Meg, such a transparent post. You are so right – we often do measure our worth and a false sense of identity from the words and actions of others. May we learn and remember I am so grateful that our God gives us an identity and loves us, apart from anything we may ever do. So glad you shared your words with us! Blessings!
Thank you, Joanne! Yes, “that He loves us apart from anything we may ever do.” His Grace is amazing!
I’m glad you found that place of contentment, Meg! Thanks for sharing your story. 🙂
Thank you for stopping by, Kelly! Blessings and prayers this week.
Thank you for sharing these great words, Meg, and Julie! Yes!! We need so much more freedom in the Church to be real with ourselves and with God. This is so true: “He told me he never required me to try to figure out who I was and make things right before coming to him.” Sometimes I think we (myself included) are so uncomfortable when we can’t answer all the questions and figure it all out! But of course, we can’t! That’s the reason why God wants us to bring the questions to Him, for His answers! May God continue to bring Blessings to your sharing of His Story in you!
Yes He does, Bettie! I think that very message is what He wants us to share with the world. That He is for us, not against us. Thank you so much for being a light, dear friend. Blessings and prayers!
Meg. I am so glad to read this. A beautiful story of grace and contentment to be IN HIM. Sometimes we learn things the hard way, don’t we? xo
Yes we do, Susan. I as all about wanting to do it my way. Bleh! Thanks again for stopping by!
I love this Meg. What a beautiful testimony of the freedom that comes from living fully in the knowledge that we are loved and accepted by God. I know that temptation to strive and squeeze into the “good girl” mold well, and I tell you what, grace fits so much better. Thank you for sharing your heart so transparently, and thank you to Julie for giving you the room to do so!
This is so sweet, Tiffany. Grace does fit better, it was made to fit all along! Julie is pretty awesome and I am so thankful for her, and for this whole community of believers. Blessings to you, friend!
Hi Meg,
Lovely guest post! There is such a place of sheer comfort when we realize we are truly loved by God and nothing we do or have done changes that. Your story of trying to fill what your heart was longing for in so many other places is inspiring to see what God can do when we offer him ourselves!
You are right that nothing changes that. What comfort and truth that allows us to rest in His blessed assurance! Thanks for reading my post, sweet Val!
yes, yes, He fills those holes in our souls. and finally and with great relief and gratitude we stop looking to everybody and everything to fill the chasm.
and we begin to fly high because of grace …
I so appreciate getting to know you, Meg …
Thanks for your friendship, dear Linda. I feel the same about you and all in this community! No more chasm…amen to that!!!
“I became an expert at trading who I was for who I thought others wanted me to be, God included.” — WOW, I wonder if we all did that…
Susan- I liked this line in Meg’s post too!
This is such a good post! I love how our identity is rooted in Christ.
Heather- I thought Meg’s post was great also!
This was me for so many years. Even now there are times when the desire to present well overtakes me when I am feeling vulnerable or ‘less than’. Such a great reminder that only God can fill our voids and heal our wounds.
Melissa- I’ve felt this way too. I’m slowly learning to replace the lies from my younger years with God’s love and my worth in Him.
Contentment within yourself is key and knowing that your worth is found in God is the only way to live 🙂 Very good post today!
Keisha- I agree, I’m slowly replacing lies with truth!