Why Romance is Important in Your Marriage
Inside: Romance shouldn’t only be reserved for February, romance in your marriage needs to be practiced all year round. Romance in your marriage is key! Tips and wisdom to get some romance back!
*Disclosure: Post may contain affiliate links. See our full disclosure here.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, we might start to think about all things “love.”
Hearts, kisses, and cards line the shelves of stores.
February is known as the “month of romance for couples.”
Commercialism seems to be setting the stage for making sure our money is spent on all things valentine.
For many, Valentine’s Day is a big letdown.
Valentine’s Let Downs
Did you know this special day has been celebrated for over 600 years? Lots of letdowns happen for married men and women, too.
Sadly, Hollywood has been displaying how married love should look in all the movies throughout the years.
How many of us thought that romance would be a natural part of our everyday married lives?
And when it doesn’t happen, we think something is wrong with our marriage, or perhaps we think that we chose the wrong person because it seems like so much work!
We might not realize it, but social media, our culture, and friends have influenced our expectations about love and romance.
The definition of romance is: to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas, to try to influence or curry favor, especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery, to carry on a love affair with (Merriam-Webster).
Did you see it?
All the words, above are action words…to entertain, to try, to carry.
Those phrases all signify it’s something that doesn’t just happen, but something that needs to be cultivated and grown.
It doesn’t happen unless we are intentional about it!
Love is Modeled by God
You see, God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to us to die and take our sins away.
God intentionally sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins.
He purposed His love through the gift of Jesus while we weren’t very lovable.
And the greatest gift is that God continues to love us unconditionally, regardless of what we’ve done or whether we love Him back or not.
What an example of love for us!
(Romans 5:8, NIV).
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
We don’t tend to think of it as romance, but what an act of romance! To lavish and influence us to feel His love so that we want to act in a better way because of His gift!
Additionally, God’s character is unconditional love, so He desires our marriage to be built on unconditional love, also.
As God looks past how we’ve hurt Him or what we’ve done, He just loves.
Completely.
Without any strings attached.
He even shows us how we can also love like this (of course we need His help to love like this!)
To sum up, romance includes the actions that flow out of unconditional love. Lust and attraction are feelings that can fade, so unconditional love becomes the intentional choice as we live out each day.
In short, unconditional love doesn’t say, “I don’t love you anymore.” It says, “I choose to love you and be committed to you for life.”
God’s a Romantic
When we make love a verb, we show affection and romance that further connects us with our spouse.
What if my husband doesn’t show affection to me… I’m not going to show it to him!
Actually, to be connected requires both spouses to make a commitment to love, show affection, and exhibit romantic feelings.
God is a romantic, and He woos us and sends us love notes.
Did you know this?
God’s biggest love sign was sending Jesus to us.
(John 3:16, NLT).
16 For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
God’s Love Showers on Us
He gives us His love through sunsets, wildlife, songs, and moments when we know it was Him sending us something special.
For example, when we experience feelings of loneliness and when, suddenly, a friend calls or someone stops by, we can see his work.
God loves romance.
Think of stories from the Bible where He wooed someone, showed His love, or turned bad situations into good.
Therefore, He created romance and gave us the gift of sex within marriage to connect a man and wife together.
Yes, sex is a gift from our Creator to be enjoyed in our marriages!
17-20 Your spring water is for you and you only,
not to be passed around among strangers.
Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—
don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.
Never take her love for granted!
Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore?
for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?
Ooh, la la!
Husband-Wife Romance
God leads us on an adventure with His love, exciting us and bringing us joy as He leads us.
Therefore, why wouldn’t He desire the same for us in our covenant of marriage?
(Keep in mind romance doesn’t have to be sex; it can be physical and emotional affection.)
Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage
A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual IntimacyMarriage: God’s Design for Intimacy (Lifeguide Bible Studies)From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your MarriageKiss Me Again: Restoring Lost Intimacy in MarriageNo More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy in Marriage
How to Increase Romance in Your Marriage?
- Be attractive to your spouse (P.S. It doesn’t mean model looks! Find out what your husband finds attractive about you and capitalize on it!). Get his attention, keep him interested and win him over.
- Pray for increased romance!
- Ask God to remove any barriers that keep you from connecting with your spouse on an intimate level.
- Make the 1st move, and surprise him.
- Know his love language (for more information on this, read this book)
It might feel foreign or awkward when you begin this, but like a new habit, the key is to keep being intentional.
After all, we choose to take this action.
Results might not happen right away, but you’re laying the groundwork for a better relationship over time and more “connectedness.”
How to Get Romance Back If It’s Been Missing for a Long Time…
Ask God to help, to soften hearts, and create desire so that you can take action.
Take the action and keep forging ahead, even if there are few results.
Talk to your spouse about expectations and realities.
Ask for outside help from a counselor, attend marriage retreats, or read devotional books.
Pray for your spouse that their heart will be open to an increase in intimacy too!
Romance is an important element of our marriages.
If we want to have long-term relationships, we need to be intentional.
Romance shouldn’t only be reserved for February! Husband-wife romance needs to be practiced all year round!
My husband and I will celebrate our 41st anniversary on March 3rd. We grow more in love every day. We have learned many lessons along the way. One of the best and most helpful lessons is to “pray before speaking”. 🙂
I am so glad you wrote this post because I think the understanding of love has been greatly misunderstood in today’s culture and redefined. Going back to what God says about love is always a good idea.
I have always felt that to take one day a year to celebrate love, Valentine’s Day, misses the point that every day we should be loving. Love is a daily investment. It means walking into each other’s suffering, encouraging each other in the hard moments, serving each other, being patience and kind and gentle. It also means be honest and holding each other accountable. And while Valentines Day is fun, as you point out it is the focus and energy we put into our relationships over the year that will build and sustain them. Appreciated your comments!
Romance is very important so that for this great reminder especially when the children are young. Make the time for dates and romance . My husband and I celebrate 36 years of marriage in July.
“Ask God to remove any barriers that keep you from connecting with your spouse on an intimate level.”
That’s an exciting, scary prayer.
You are so right about how “social media, our culture, and friends have influenced our expectations about love and romance.” God has a different plan for us!
Thank you for a much-needed post.
We do need to be on guard against buying into how the world defines love.
Yes, God’s love for us helps us love our husbands and love others well. Hollywood will never fully understand the kind of unconditional love God provided through Jesus and His blood. Since God created love and He designed marriage, He also knows the most about it and how to manage it. What we learn from God’s Word about love should remain our guide for true love. Because not only does God love, He IS love. It’s who He is. Love can never be separated from His character.