Why I Just Want to Feel the Love of God
Inside: If you’ve grown up experiencing conditional love, it’s hard to feel the opposite of the spectrum. The best love to imitate is the love of God.
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A few weeks ago I was invited to participate in the Launch Team for Sarah Koontz’ upcoming Worthy of the Calling Study of Ephesians.
I’m so glad I had the opportunity to review an advanced copy of the study. You can see my testimonial on Sarah’s page here.
I was sitting crossed-legged on the brown carpet in my fuzzy socks, Hard Rock café boxer shorts and New Kids on the Block t-shirt. The moonlight was streaming in through my bedroom window casting a spotlight on the carpet. My friend was sitting next to me in a matching ensemble, but a Debbie Gibson concert tee. The rotary phone was sitting in the middle of our two person circle. I was biting my fingernails on the one hand and my other hand and fingers were following the curling of the phone cord.
My friend just proposed a deal to me; I either call the boy she liked, or I find a new friend.
As I sat there, the two conditions had me caught. I either made a fool of myself, or I would find myself without a best friend. The decision needed to be made on the spot and I couldn’t weigh out the pros and cons. My worth was now riding on my decision.
Conditional Love
Have you ever experienced conditional love? Do this and I will do that? It puts you in a bind because you feel backed up into a corner. You have to self-deny in order to please someone else. It takes away your sense of control.
If you’ve grown up experiencing conditional love, it’s hard to feel the opposite of the spectrum. To receive love, you’re always doing and trying to master the other person’s conditions, even when you might not know those terms.
Lots of guilt flows out of your heart because you always feel like you are undeserving of another’s love.
The problem is we imitate the love we’ve grown up with whether it was right or wrong.
Children believe the form of love that was given to them and trying to undo certain conditions is hard work.
As a parent now, I find this a scary concept. I want my kids to feel loved unconditionally. They never have to do anything to earn my love. Sure, they will disappoint me, but my love will never suddenly stop flowing.
Why Should we imitate the love of God?
Jesus was sent to earth to live as a human and experience life as we do. Even though he was without sin, He felt emotions and pain but never let His feelings run wild into the sin category. Our Father sent Jesus to come here to save us even though we were messes.
In your mess, God saw your worth.
(Romans 5:8, NLT). But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
God saved us regardless of what we have done in the past, the present and the future as long as we accept Jesus. There are no conditions other than accepting Jesus as Lord.
The best love to imitate is God’s; it’s an everlasting, over-extending love for us. This love is not a cautious love, but an extravagant love.
How do we learn more about the love of God?
We follow God’s example through studying Jesus’ life.
Ask the Holy Spirit to enable us to learn, accept and extend this love.
We plead for help and practice thankfulness.
We ask Him to use us, right where we are this moment (because He will show you love in ways you’ve never known when you offer yourself.)
When we love, it covers both public action and private action. The love becomes a character trait that we carry with us wherever we go.
When we fill our hearts with God’s love, purity and grace flow out of every aspect of our person. ~Sarah Koontz
God is love, so if we are in God and are growing like Him, we become Love.
What does imitating God’s love look like in everyday life?
1. Spend time in the Word; we need filling before love can flow out.
2. Understand Biblical love so we can live it out. When we truly love, we can lay aside: jealousy, pride, and become trustworthy.
3. Practice prayer. We can only experience His love when we are in a relationship with Him.
4. Learn to speak Truth even when it’s not popular, or it’s hard.
5. Join in a relationship with other believers to practice this love.
6. Understand becoming love is a life-long process.
When we commit to God to become Love, it glorifies Him. God is not physically present in this world, so when we become Love others can see Him. It strengthens our brothers and sisters in Christ and can bring non-believers to faith also.
So who are you imitating?
As a child, I gave into the condition and called the boy. I didn’t want to lose my friend. But now as an adult, I’m learning that I don’t want any part in a conditional love relationship. I will never live up to other’s standards; I will always disappoint.
So I am breaking up with conditional love and instead, accepting the Real love of God. It’s His character, Love is God, His love is unconditional and He will love me forever.
Worthy of a Calling
Here are 7 quick facts about the Worthy of the Calling Study:
▪It’s a FREE email-based online Bible study.
▪It takes just 10-15 minutes per day to complete.
▪It follows five days on, two days off format.
▪It covers the whole book of Ephesians
▪Register today at SarahKoontz.com/Worthy
I Am LovedI Am Loved: Walking in the Fullness of God’s Love (InScribed Collection)
I Am Loved with DVD: Walking in the Fullness of God’s Love (InScribed Collection)
Loved as I Am: An Invitation to Conversion, Healing, and Freedom through Jesus
Invisible: How You Feel Is Not Who You Are
I Am Beautiful: For the Princess in Every Girl (I Am Loved) (Volume 2)
How utterly true that we imitate the love we grew up with. It continually grieves me that I did not understand the fullness of God’s love until my children were almost grown.
Alice- so glad you understand it now!
Wonderful post!! Without God’s word, we will never truly understand pure unconditional love and love will not flow from us if we do not spend time understanding how much we are loved by God.
Thank you, Keisha!
I love the fact that God’s love is unconditional. The more we are yielded to Christ, the more we will radiate this unconditional love to others.
Susan- amen! I pray I will radiate it!
This is such an important truth that I work hard to emulate with my children. At night, both my husband and I ask our children, “Why do I love you?” They answer “Because I’m you Son/Daughter!” There is no other answer necessary.
Melissa- so glad you’re instilling this in your kids! Great idea!
It is so easy for me to forget the beauty of God’s unconditional love in the busyness of day to day life. Thank you for such a timely reminder!
Amber- I forget it too, more often than not. I’m glad you stopped!
God wants us to love others as He loves us!
Andrea- Amen!
Julie, I loved this post! So many powerful truths! You write so beautifully! I think we do tend to fall back on what love looks like in our earthly relationships and tend to base our love relationship with God in similar ways. In expectation and having to earn it or strive for it. His love is so different; all-consuming, unconditional, undeserved, and eternal. We are so blessed by Him and His love! Thank you for this!
Susan- thank you so much! I am encouraged by your comment 🙂
Amen, Julie. If we could all practice the love of Jesus. His love is unfailing. I like your list of six. Great post!
Kelly- I want to be more like Jesus, even how He loves. Thank you!
Yes! So thankful for God’s great grace-filled love poured out on us! Nothing to do with our works or lack there of. He simply loves us. As we display this to others, they can more readily understand God’s grace, (a place of resting far from perfection and legalism). “So heaven meets earth with a sloppy wet kiss ????and my heart turns violently ❤️ In side of my chest, and I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us! Oh, How He Loves!” (John Mark McMillan). Thanks for sharing !
Alicia- that’s a beautiful song! Thank you for reminding me of it!
I pray I’m a mom that models unconditional love for my children. And that God gives me the strength to love unconditionally too, even if I’ve been hurt in the past and want to tip toe cautiously around some friendships.
Maria- I want to model it too and love others deeply!
Julie, I sincerely appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. I think on some level, we all just wanted to be loved for who we are -mess and all. And fortunately, that is exactly what God offers us. I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment: The problem is we imitate the love we’ve grown up with whether it was right or wrong.
Boy, isn’t that the truth! And oftentimes we aren’t even aware we are loving ourselves conditionally.Your precious reminder of how God loves us is the very thing that has helped me break free from the performance trap in my own life.
The secret to freedom is learning to see ourselves as God sees us. This is so freeing, but also a lot of work! We’ve got to re-program our love receptors and re-learn what love is really all about.
Thank you for helping me launch my new Bible study. It’s always a joy to journey alongside you and I hope we continue to do so for years to come.
Sarah- thank you! I’ve enjoyed helping you get your study out there and I hope it’s only the beginning of your ministry!
What a great topic for a study! we need to be continually reminded of God’s love and how to imitate it!
Tiffany- Thank you!
Thanks for this! It’s a good reminder that we are to be imitators of God. I sometimes think that my act of love has to be big and formal, but I am learning that small and unplanned works just as well
Anne- thank you so much! So glad it spoke to you!
I need to remember to speak with love all of the time. Sometimes I put unintentional conditions with my tone of voice…it is something that I have always struggled with…and I really want to conquer.
Rebekah- I want that too and I’m having to relearn what love is. It’s not based on what I’ve always thought!
Wonderful, Julie. My tend-to-want-to-get-it-perfect self needs to hear, “Just accept Jesus as Lord.” — Over an anything else. I loved Kelly Balarie’s post today too because she talked about her doubts in faith where her troubled heart wondered if God really loved her. So good!
Meg- thank you so much! I’ll have to check out Kelly’s post too!