Finding Joy in the NICU at Christmas
Today I’m sharing Jamie’s post. Jamie is a new friend and I learned a lot about her from her post here. She faced a trying situation, but she left with greater faith. We want greater faith, don’t we? We just don’t want to face the hardships that cause greater faith.
Finding Joy in the NICU at Christmas
#HeartBreak Holiday
By: Jamie McIntyre
Christmas.
The most wonderful time of the year.
Or at least that’s what I kept hearing over and over again, and until last year, that’s what I always knew to be true. It seemed like everyone was happier during the holiday season. It seemed like everything was better too. But then my son was born 9 weeks early and was in a fight for his life during “the most wonderful time of the year.”
I was so excited for Christmas to be here. Time and time again, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I loved everything about it.
And last Christmas was not supposed to be any different.
Things Change
I had a wonderful 2-year-old, a great husband, and was pregnant with our second child. Everything was going great, and then things changed. They changed quickly, and they changed for the worse. At 31 weeks pregnant, I went into labor. After a long battle of trying to stop my labor, my son was born. He was immediately taken away from me and into the hands of the NICU doctor. He went straight into monitors and breathing machines and placed in an incubating bed. I got to hold him briefly before they inserted a chest tube into his lungs.
I couldn’t hold my baby for a week while he had the tube in his lungs. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and it all happened during the holiday season. Suddenly, the season wasn’t magical anymore. It didn’t seem merry, or bright, and it definitely didn’t feel like the most wonderful time of the year.
Everything seemed darker and I felt like I was just going through the motions. Nothing seemed to bring me joy the way I remembered it did. Sitting around a Christmas tree and surrounded by family, felt empty. Part of me was missing, and I couldn’t get passed it.
I felt like I was constantly fighting. I was trying to fight for my son, I was fighting for joy, I was fighting the darkness, I was fighting to find something that made it feel like Christmas.
God Fights For Us
And then the Lord reminded me of Exodus 14:14 when he tells us that He will fight for us, we only have to be still. And that changed everything for me. I stopped trying to have it all figured out. Stopped trying to make everything perfect, because it wasn’t perfect. I stopped trying to put on a brave face and I decided to let the Lord fight my battles. I started to trust in Him and His plans, even though that was hard to do at times.
The truth is that the holidays aren’t always happy.
When you’re going through hard times, it can be difficult to see the joy in the season. It’s hard to find the magic of the holidays and the happiness that comes. When we place our trust in the Lord and in His plans, our perspective shifts.
Suddenly, we can just be still and let the Lord fight our battles knowing that He is our Savior, and He came to fight for us. I hope you all have a blessed holiday season and can come to revel in the fact that our Lord has come for us, and that you can find joy in that.
Hi, I’m Jamie. I’m a wife to a wonderful man, a mom to two adorable kids, and a hopeless sinner saved by amazing grace. I love encouraging women in their walk with the Lord. I’m passionate about finding ways to honor and serve God in all that I do, and I love sharing that with all of you. I’m a stay at home mom, a writer, and a lover of the rain.
To read other posts in the Heartbreak Holiday series:
Dysfunctional Disaster Holiday
It’s the Wonderful Time of the Year
A Barren Womb at Christmas
Finding Joy in the NICU at Christmas
How to Choose Joy When Deployment Separates Us
Joy In A Hot Christmas Mess
I Feel So Sad And Lonely This Holiday Season
The Empty Seat
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