5 Simple Ways to Find Joy in Your Marriage
Inside: Is joy in marriage possible? God’s word says it is when we stay connected to Him. 5 simple tips to cultivate joy in your marriage!
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“And they lived happily ever after…”
I don’t know how many fairy tales end in this phrase; however, we grow up believing that this will be our destiny with our spouses.
Additionally, we expect to be among those who lived happily ever after.
On the contrary, what if reality and our expectations don’t mesh; maybe they aren’t even on the same planes.
The truth is we all want happy, long-lasting marriages. In addition, we want to find joy in our partner and our relationship.
However, real-life smacks us in the face. Struggles, personality differences, expectations, movies, or our friend’s marriages can make us feel almost gipped.
Joy is Hard to Find on Earth
Our marriage can feel like so much work sometimes.. .am I right or am I right?
Of course, we want it to be better but all the hard work makes us want to stick the meat thermometer in and yell, “I’m done.”
Perhaps you’ve told your spouse, “this is not how I want my marriage to be,” or maybe you feel this way but haven’t told anyone.
Friend- if you find yourself here, let me encourage you in the Word.
Even when it feels like our marriage is imploding and missing our expectations, we know with God, hope is available even in our marriages.
What is Joy?
Joy is such an important part of the walk in the Christian faith.
Kay Warren explains joy like this, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.”
Namely, joy is an ever-lasting conviction whereas happiness is fleeting.
Indeed, might I say, joy is essential to our life!
When we know God, His plans, His love for us, and His promises to us, we can walk through the valleys and mountain tops of life because we know He is steadfast.
Therefore, we rejoice in the Lord knowing that He is large and in-charge of all life.
Joy is a Gift from God
God has told us we are His children, we have the inheritance of eternal life, and victory is ours through our Savior’s death and resurrection. All these promises from God allow us to find joy.
In the same way, we can find joy in our marriages too.
Friend, if you’re thinking to yourself, “yay, right… you don’t know my marriage.” Or “I can’t even find happiness, how will I ever find joy!”
Please keep reading.
The truth is: God uses our marriage to grow us into the person He wants us to be. Those hard patches where we had to do everything to keep our tongues from wagging and keep our impatience under control, were all avenues to transform us.
Joy isn’t Found in Comparision of What We’re Missing
Here’s the thing, we can’t look at anyone’s marriage and compare ours to theirs. Each of us has a unique union and dance. God created us for this uniqueness.
While it’s tempting to look at our friend’s marriage or the qualities of someone else’s spouse, a comparison will always crash happiness and joy.
First and foremost, you will never find either when you’re searching and wanting what you don’t have.
Just as in life, in our marriages, in order to find joy, we need to be attached to the Vine.
Connection with God is the first step to finding joy in all areas of life, including marriage.
How’s Your Connection with God?
5 “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
Above all, we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us in our marriages:
- To transform us from selfishness to putting our spouse first
- Grow love when it’s hard and everything in us wants to run
- Find joy in the relationship with our spouse in each season
May God open our eyes to what marriage looks like Biblically and how our marriages can be used to further expand God’s kingdom.
May God open our eyes to what marriage looks like Biblically and how our marriages can be used to further expand God’s kingdom. Share on XThe fact of the matter is, we can only extend God’s goodness to others including our spouse when we’ve tasted the goodness of God and know God is the only one who can help our marriages reach their fullest potentials.
Apart from God, we will never find the joy in all relationships because God is the source of true joy.
God Uses Our Marriages to Grow Us
While we might feel like the rough patches in marriage are there to destroy our union, we can cling to God’s word that He uses struggles and turns those struggles into blessings if we just trust Him.
Will you trust Him with your marriage?
6 So be truly glad.[a] There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
In fact, finding joy in our marriages is possible when we realize that we will never have the happily ever after unless we are yoked to our Savior.
Finding joy in our marriages is possible when we realize that we will never have the happily ever after unless we are yoked to our Savior. #marriage #christianmarriage Share on XThe true joy in life can’t be found apart from God.
Unless we are stuck to something steadfast, trouble and struggle will come and knock us off-kilter.
Expect Trouble in Your Marriage
Of course, this isn’t to say, two Christian spouses won’t have trouble ever.
Haven’t we fallen for this lie?
Indeed, we have been lead to believe that we shouldn’t have troubles in marriage, and if we do, something is wrong with us and our union.
Only couples who marriages are on the brink go to counseling…
What lies are you believing that aren’t based on truth?
Here are some things we need to do in order to find joy in all areas of life. We need to be:
- Connected to the Vine
- Growing in faith individually
- Growing in faith together
- Humble and other’s focused
- Offering forgiveness
- Understanding that God can use all struggles and problems for good.
In truth, the couples who intentionally do these things listed above, have a great chance to live in joy ever after.
Joy Begins with Christ
The foundation for our marriage should be Christ, and when He is center, we can find joy in our marriage in a world of fleeting emotions, including happiness.
“We are going to experience joy in this lifetime, there’s only one possible way: We will have to choose it. ~ Kay Warren
5 Things You Can Do Today for Your Marriage:
- Focus on the good things in your marriage
- Find joy right now
- Practice self-care. Fill yourself up so you can flow to others
- Stop the “what ifs”
- Laugh and do something fun with your spouse
11 You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.[a]
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God
You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of EternitySacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?Cherish: The One Word That Changes Everything for Your MarriageThe Mingling of Souls: God’s Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and RedemptionLove & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary in March 2019. We still say “I love you” at the end of every phone call. We still make sure to do simple things for each other. God is at the center of our marriage. 🙂
Happy anniversary! 40 years is quite an accomplishment. I love what you said about ending each phone call with “I love you.”
Such great truths! I love #1 and #3 especially —without those I can so easily tip off balance and become critical of myself and my husband! Blessings to you!
Thank you for a beautiful post. We will celebrate 38 years of marriage in a couple of months and we still say I love you multiple times every day. Marriage won’t ever be a fairy tale, but we have a life that’s pretty close–I’m so thankful for my sweet man and for his godly leadership of our family and home. Blessings to you.
Some really wise advice here. I think we’ve bought into false ideas in our culture of what marriage should be.
Troubles come in an authentic and honest relationship. You’re right, we should expect it!
Love the quotes from Kay Warren!
Wise advice:
“Joy isn’t found in comparison.”
Such great wisdom! Marriage is hard… loving others is hard. But it’s essential!
Oh I so needed this! I’ve written down the 5 ideas, and the scripture references in my journal to refer back to. Thank you so much for this post!!
Emily- thank you!
Thank you for these great tips! God Bless
As a woman who has experienced the pain of divorce, I wholeheartedly agree with this advice. Both of us grew complacent and bitter when life dealt us hardship. We married young without keeping our expectations in check and, speaking for myself, I looked to my ex to fill needs I should have looked to God to fill. He is now remarried and I’m seriously dating; will read the other blogs you’ve posted about marriage. Thank you!
“The truth is: God uses our marriage to grow us into the person He wants us to be.” Remembering this can make the hard times easier!
Good post, thanks.
Great advice! Thanks for this post.
Great advice. We have to work at keeping our marriages intact. It is so important to spend time doing fun things together.
Absolutely love this post. I often say joy comes from what we know not how we feel and what you said was key: joy begins with Christ. Going to share this with our Living Our Priorities community.
So much truth here. Finding joy in marriage does begin with Christ even when hard times come… and they will!
I love this article so much. You point couples right back to Christ, the only One who can give us joy amidst our struggles. It is true, marriage is a training ground for us to become more like Christ.