Why We Need Date Nights When We’re Married
Inside: When we get married and then add kids and responsibilities, we have the tendency to put date nights on hold or forget them. Date Nights= Happy Couples.
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Ann and John Betar have been married 83 years. They are named the “longest married couple in America,” according to an analysis by the Worldwide Marriage Encounter, a Christian organization.
When asked how they made it for 80+ years, they replied they enjoy being together. (To read their story)
What about you? Do you enjoy being with your spouse?
Do you have regular date nights?
Definition of date night (Oxford Dictionary): a prearranged occasion on which an established couple, especially one with children, go for a night out together.
Urban dictionary definition of date night: A time when a couple can take time for themselves away from children and responsibilities. While often occurring at night, a Date Night can happen during day hours as well. Not to be confused with a Date, as that is between unmarried couples solely.
Intentional Action
When we get married and then add kids and responsibilities, we have the tendency to put date nights on the bottom of the totem pole.
Here’s the thing, during a busy life, it’s hard to connect with our spouse.
Have you tried to have a meaningful conversation with your spouse when the kids are present? Usually, the conversation takes twice as long, with repeats because the kids want to interject and interrupt.
We can’t expect any relationship to work long-term if we don’t choose to put the time into it. Every day it needs to be an intentional choice so that our marriages last the long-haul.
Our marriage aim is growing together through the years, not growing apart.
It’s hard work. But aren’t we up for that challenge?
Skipping Date Nights
According to research done by Redbook, 45% of couples rarely have date nights. Only 18% of those couples have dates once a month.
I don’t know about you, but considering our divorce rates, we need to be having regular date nights in our marriages.
It’s even more important to be regularly dating when you’re married if you want this connection to last.
How do date nights benefit our marriages?
- Decrease the divorce rate
- Stress relief. Getting away from the normal and having some fun is what we all need.
- An increase in communication. When kids are around, isn’t it hard to talk, or is that just us?
- Emotional connection. When the focus is on just the two of you, you can talk deeper and more meaningful.
- Strengthens the relationship
(Colossians 3:23, NLT). 23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.
It’s important to realize, that even in marriage, we are serving the Lord. When we try our best and work hard to make sure this union is secure, it is honoring to God.
Need Creative Help for Dates
If you’re not creative and need some help, you’re not alone. The internet is full of resources for planning the perfect date night.
Online Date Resources
- The Dating Divas
- Pre-made date boxes at datetodoor.com or dateboxclub.com (you can order 1 box or sign up for a monthly subscription.
Honestly, my husband and I haven’t been good about this. It seems like everything has to align in order for us to go out.
This year, we are becoming more intentional about making date nights a part of our routine.
Staying in love requires intentional action. God is our best role model for living out this love in our marriages. We pursue our spouse just as God pursues us and wants an intimate relationship with us.
(Ephesians 5, NLT).
5 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of GodSacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
Christian Marriage: From Basic Principles to Tranformed Relationships
The Mingling of Souls: God’s Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption
52 Uncommon Dates: A Couple’s Adventure Guide for Praying, Playing, and Staying Together
#Staymarried: A Couples Devotional: 30-Minute Weekly Devotions to Grow In Faith And Joy from I Do to Ever After
Julie, I am so thankful for your post selections. As I mentioned earlier, I am planning a one-day marriage retreat at our church. One of my topics is CLEAVE. We will be discussing how to cleave by connecting spiritually as well as emotionally. WOW! You are such a blessing. My husband and I have practiced date night for almost all of our 35 years together. I think it has been the glue for our marriage. Of course the dates have looked different over the years based on the season of our life but date nights nonetheless.
Calvonia- thank you for your kind words! I hope the posts can be helpful to you and others!
I’m thankful for you!
We’ve been married almost 27 years and in the early years, there just wasn’t enough money for babysitting for 4 kids so we didn’t date. Now that 2 are grown and 2 in high school, we still don’t date much since we are just not in the habit. But you know, you are totally right in all you said though. When we do manage to have some time together, we do feel so much more relaxed and connected. You’ve given me the motivation to try to get some things on the calendar for us! thanks!
Karen- yay! I understand the money thing when the kids are little. It can be just carving out alone time frugally:)
It’s never too late for date nights!
When my kids were little, we weren’t around a lot of sitters, so we’d have one night a week where the kids ate and went to bed earlier and we’d eat supper separately and take a walk (just back and forth up the street where we could still see the house.) That made a big difference for us. Over the years, the night of the week changed with our schedule, but the kids always knew it was there. Even as they got older and were able to stay home alone, we’d have a date night out of the house every week. These days, we have two adult children and one in high school, so it’s easier to get away. Good for y’all for putting the effort in — it will surely pay off. 🙂 — Thanks for sharing with #ChasingCommunity today, Julie. 🙂 ((hug))
Brenda- so glad it had made a difference in your marriage! A real testimony to the rest of us to get into intentional about the date nights!
Julie, I love your blog updates! Also, this is a great list. We love 1, 5, 9, 10 & 12. Those are ones that are usually free anyways (providing you have gas in your tank, marshmallows and a stack of firewood) haha! Still, this list is doable. We have had to live on a short budget for most of our marriage. We got good at going to get dollar cappucinos together and walking on the riverfront. The biggest hurdle for us was always finding a sitter. Now it’s him being home LOL.
Meg- I understand the sitter thing. We aren’t near family, so we haven’t utilized babysitters much. Now that my daughter is almost 16, we get out more but not often enough.
We need it though:)
Yes so needed. Love the point about the divorce rate. We can do simple things like this and it matters. My man and I have a weekly dat night in (rarely out) bc that it what we prefer. Honestly we talk (yes, it’s true, my man likes to talk!) or love movies. Thanks for the list, though. Maybe we’ll branch out. 😉
Kelly- that’s great you already have date nights! Here’s to many years together! God’s blessings to you and your husband!
Great advice here Julie. Spending quality time with the one you love and who loves you back strengthens any relationship. My parents just celebrated 51 years this past week. It is incredible the love they still have for one another. I hope you have an amazing weekend and may God continue to bless you and yours in 2017
Horace- Wow about your parents! What a great role model! Blessings to you also!
I think you are so right about this! This is something my husband and I are working to start this year, but it’s hard to make it a priority all the time. Thanks for the reminder of just how important it is!
Meredith- here’s to more date nights 🙂
YES! So, so important! We’ve been married for nearly 29 years (whoa!) and making time for dates has been something we have really tried to be intentional about. Yeah, it’s tricky when the kids are tiny, but you just get creative (like some of our date at home ideas). And then, when you reach our stage of life (almost empty nesters), dating isn’t forced or weird or unnatural. It’s wonderful because we love spending time together <3 Thanks for such a practical post! Stopping by from #FreshMarketFriday 🙂
Laura- so glad you value your date nights! Many blessings on more years together!
83 years??? Oh my! I’m sure they would have a lot of advice to share. It definitely is important to stay connected with our spouses. Thanks for the reminder to not take things for granted and to be intentional about spending quality time together.
Lisa- yes 83 years! Thanks for stopping by!
Such wonderful ideas Julie! Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you Lillian!
Thanks for the reminder, Julie! We tend to have feast or famine in our busy household! We’re empty nesters, but my husband is incredibly busy during the school year (he’s the principal of a boarding school). We usually have date nights that are actually long trips together during vacations or the summer months when he can get away. We drove to Alaska this summer for one long date night :).
Anita- that Alaska trip had to be such a great time for you both to grow in your relationship!
Hey Julie,
I have to admit I sometimes cringe at the word, “date-night”. For a long long time it was a heavy shadow that hung over my heart. My hubby and I don’t really ‘do’ date nights and many of our friends did. It was hard to see the other husbands romancing their wives. I would conveniently forget that we had a special needs child which made it hard to get away, sometimes. Or that we are both big introverts and spaces with LOTS Of loud noise and close people is overwhelming and not really enjoyable for either of us. After I got over my pity-party I realized, I could redefine ‘date-night’ as any time he and I got to be together purposefully. I realized how much we did do together and how much he serves me on a consistent basis. I realized how much he enjoys just having me nearby w/o having to have a conversation to prove it. And we work really really well together, so much that our kids have commented that we rarely have to ask each other if there is a need because one of us will see it and meet it. IT took a lot of years and unfortunately a few tears before I realized that, but when I did, grace met my heart and continued to fill my marriage. I love your very real ideas for a date-night. 🙂
Blessings,
Dawn
Dawn- I think a date night is whatever you define it. I think it important to realize we need kid-free time however that looks like. We need to devout time to our marriages if we want them to last!
Blessings to you!
Date nights are great! But the thing I find the hardest is finding a restaurant with food as good as my husband cooks;) We have always wanted to try a cooking course together though. I think that would be fun. Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
Aimee- that’s a good problem to have. Picnic dinner with hubby’s food? 🙂 We took a baking class together, it was great!
Thank you for sharing!
We used to have a date night every Wednesday, but for health reasons, we no longer are able to do this. I am looking forward to picking back up the tradition after my husband’s back surgery and once they figure out what’s causing my migraines. We definitely miss our time together.
Heather- adding you and your husband to my prayer list!
This is wonderful and so necessary for married couples. I love all of your ideas. We should never stop dating our spouses.
Keisha- glad you found it helpful!
Date nights are so necessary and don’t have to include going out at all. My husband and I utilize the time after the kids go to sleep to spend time together. Talk, watch a show or movie, etc. anything that keeps us connected. Now that we live closer to the grandparents it will also be easier to have get away trips – hiking, camping, traveling.
Melissa- That’s what we do also! We don’t get away that often, but trying to spend time together after the kids are asleep is what we do too!
I love this, Julie. I used to want “date nights” when our son was younger. We tried it one time, but after paying for a babysitter and coming home to a broken bathroom mirror, we decided it wasn’t for us. Our date nights are not the conventional idea everyone has. Just spending time together in the evenings or going out to eat the week we grocery shop. The other week, we go to a home improvement store, antique shop, or thrift store. Spending time together without other people taking away our attention from each other is what I call a date night. We’ll be married 20 years in July and honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing.
Lori- thank you for sharing how you work in date nights as a couple! Sounds like you’re doing a great thing!
Absolutely!! Our actual “date nights” don’t happen very often; our kids are still little and babysitters can be costly! So when we start feeling disconnected we put the kids to bed early, sit out on the porch or around our fire pit and have conversation. Sometimes, about nothing at all. And, sometimes about everything! <3 It's so important to spend quality time apart from children! It's also super important to recognize when there may be a "drift" happening! Thanks for sharing, Julie!! <3
Just like we cannot keep counting on blessings to flow with old sacrifices… its very important to replenish our time with our spouse
Ann- yes, intentional work if we want a long-lasting relationship!