I Still Suck at Being a Christian (One Year Later Reflections)
Inside: How are you at being Christian? We still have a long way to go as a Christians, don’t we? Living as a Christian is hard, and every day we blow it. When I look at how far I need to go, who I am in Christ makes me realize He’s done it all. He knows I will never get it right.
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So it’s been a year since my post, “I Suck at Being a Christian,” and I feel like I’ve uncovered even more ways I’m missing the mark as a Christian.
Honestly, I’m getting it more wrong living as a Christian than getting it right.
Obvious and obnoxious deficiencies that I’ve unlocked are:
- I don’t pray as much as I should. Frankly, my mind is like a three ring circus when I make an effort to pray. I’m distracted and usually fall asleep mid-sentence.
- I still compare a lot. Maybe it’s because bloggers are online and in each other’s faces so much, but I constantly compare and feel like my position is threatened.
- My worry and fear are still present-much too present.
Why Do Still Suck at Being a Christian?
When I did a self-inventory over the last year, I felt frustrated and guilty.
I thought I’d be further along; instead, I feel like I’ve gone backwards.
Things I didn’t notice before are blatantly clear.
How I fall short in so many areas, which then causes thoughts and lies to come into my head like: I’m the worst Christian ever.
How can you be a Christian blogger when you’re still such a mess??
Who I Am in Christ
Isn’t it funny when we start to feel like a failure, God swoops in and directs us to His Words? #beloved #whoIaminChrist Share on XEven though I have such a long way to go, I’m not where I once was. I understand that I can’t change on my own, and I need God in all areas of my life.
What I’ve realized is: it’s not how much I’m missing, it’s who I am in Christ that makes the difference!
So here is point blank: I’m not sinless. I’m full of sin. If you’re holding me as better than you are because I write, please don’t.
We are all sinful.
Progress is Slow, but Slow is Progress (remembering who I am in Christ)
The reality is: we’re comfortable in our old, sinful ways. Change is hard and growing more like Christ is painful (and frustrating.) It’s easier to go back to our old ways even though we know it’s not the right way.
It’s the battle going on inside of us.
I don’t know about you, but I’m rather comfortable comparing, worrying, and fearing. To choose to be fulfilled, to be at peace, and to trust God is an intentional action. It doesn’t feel safe to go against our human desires.
Sometimes the new way wins, and sometimes (correction: most times) the old way wins.
It’s a fierce battle. But rest assured, we all are struggling inside. Whew, we thought it was just us, didn’t we?
The truth is: if you haven’t accepted Jesus as your personal Savior, you won’t feel this struggle as strongly. You might feel a twinge against your personal morals, but as you silence it, the “wrong way” won’t feel as wrong any longer.
The right way will seem ludicrous because you’ve quieted the inner morals God designed you with.
17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.
The Battle Inside of Us All (and who I am in Christ changes everything)
Do you feel the struggle? We know what God says about choosing the “right way,” and yet we default to what we’ve been doing aka the “wrong way.”
We then feel guilt, shame, and we know what we chose to do was not what God desired.
Do you think God expects any less of us? He knows we will battle, struggle, and get it wrong most of the time.
Here’s the thing, It’s not what I do but who I am in Christ!
He’s done everything I need!
Here’s the encouraging truth, when we accept Jesus as our Savior, God no longer looks at us as sinners, He sees Jesus. #gracewins Share on XWe are pure, blameless, and without sin. Even when we get it wrong so many times.
God doesn’t hold any of that against us, because Jesus paid for all our sins on the cross. #unmaskingthemess Share on XI don’t know about you, but it takes some of the pressure off, some of the guilt away, and most of the shame away.
Grace Makes All the Difference
We won’t get it all right, and most days we will still choose what our flesh is comfortable with; until we’re in the presence of Jesus.
So even though it seems like we’re changing at a snail’s pace, can I encourage you? From God’s vantage point, we are making strides. We are making progress even if it feels slow in our eyes.
We aren’t where we once were. God is working in the deep recesses and doing His work behind the scenes.
I’m might still suck as a Christian, but I’m making headway slowly. I’m not where I once was, that I can be sure of!
Fiercehearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely
Embraced: 100 Devotions to Know God Is Holding You CloseEnough: Silencing the Lies That Steal Your Confidence
Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely
Why Her?: 6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind
Pierced & Embraced: 7 Life-Changing Encounters with the Love of Christ
I LOVE the perspective you have in this post. It’s so important to be upfront about the reality that we are always going to struggle, always keep making mistakes. I spent a lot of time trying to “be perfect” and it completely strangled my true self and my growth. It’s kind of ironic, I guess, but the less I care about trying to be “perfect,” the more I’m able actually connecting with God and seeing his grace flow through me.
Amy- thank you for the kind words and encouragement! I agree when we don’t strive to be perfect, we can connect with God and others so much better.
Your transparency is always so encouraging because it’s real and genuine.Here is also encouragement for you – “Things I didn’t notice before are blatantly clear.” – God can’t move in our life if we don’t recognize the areas that need to be addressed. So this is beautiful progress!
Melissa- thank you for being an encourager to me:)
Oh. My. Goodness. I can SO relate to this. I have been beating myself up all week because of my failures. Thinking I should be better by now. Do better. I have to keep reminding myself that being a Christian is about Jesus, not about me.
Heather- yes, it is! It’s all about what He did!
The enemy always tell us what we do wrong? Yet, when God tells us we do something right we don’t accept that either because we want to seem prideful. Then if we are proud of something we have overcome the enemy is right there with guilt and shame! I can tell you I suck too, but it is by the grace of God that He has broken so many strongholds in my life. I had a similar conversation with God about how bad I was and His reply to me was, “Who told You That?” It stopped me in my tracks! Now, when those thought come to my mind that question is forever embedded in my heart. Yes, I know there are things He tells me, but God never says anything that degrades me or makes me feel less than I am. Blessings to you sister!
Sheila- thank you for sharing this! We are really hard on ourselves, aren’t we?!?
Acknowledging the unconditional acceptance in the beloved is the single most important spiritual act we can do. And if truth be told, the hardest.
Alice- yes! I agree!
Thank You for being so open and honest. I love that. I relate to the part you shared about your brain with praying and falling asleep. I ended up creating a prayer wall where I write everything down and it keeps me on track when I pray and helps me remember. I’m such a visual person that I needed it!
Heather- that sounds like a great idea! I have a prayer journal but only if I’m “in it” do I remember what I need to pray for.