I’m a Mess: Is it Too Late to be a Good Parent?
Inside: Messes and mistakes will happen but ultimately I know that God is working them out for my good and my children’s good. We can be a great parent even with a messy past!
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When you think back to your childhood, are there events which stick out in your mind? Have you buried them really deep so that no one can dig them up?
Maybe you’re a parent and the thought of this past event just makes you cringe and question if you’re any better than you were then?!?
When I look back, my childhood was a great big mess that has affected the way I am today. The good, bad and the ugly.
And the mess is so big
And so deep and so tall
We cannot pick it up. There is no way at all.
~Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat
The Lies Which Taunt Me
I have an abundance of shame and guilt my childhood. Satan likes to bring this up when in my own parenting experience, I make a mistake.
You’re going to screw up these kids.
You don’t deserve to be their mom.
In that moment, I feel like God made a mistake when He made me a mom. I mean, I’m a huge mess, full of so many weaknesses and problems.
Have you had these thoughts? Ever question why God chose you when your past is less than ideal?
Being a Great Parent (Even with a Messy Past)
The truth is, we are all broken. Some of us might be more broken than others, but we ALL are broken and overcome by our messes. Raising kids is tough and raising Christian kids in our culture is even harder.
We need to remember messes and mistakes are a part of life on Earth. No one is immune to them. Everyone has something in their past that fills them with regret.
I’m afraid that all my problems and hangups will be transferred onto my kids. This is a lie Satan wants me to believe.
We see ourselves as damaged, and we paint that onto our kids.
When we focus on the lies, they grow, however when we remember God is using our past for our good, we can become an overcomer in Truth.
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God Weaves the Bad into Good
Here’s the thing, my past is just that, my past. It really doesn’t matter any longer, from here on and out is what I need to focus on. The end is what truly matters.
Messes and mistakes will happen but ultimately I know that God is working them out for my good and my children’s good.
Here’s how I know it to be true, let’s look at King David in the Bible.
- When he sinned, he asked for forgiveness.
- He depended on God and yet he made messes in his life.
- David stuck to his Savior when life got dirty.
- God was a refuge for David where he could escape the hard situation, and David trusted that God would not disappoint him.
At the end of a day, isn’t this the example we want to be for our kids?
Out with the Old in With the New You
No matter what we do, our kids see dependence and devotion to God. Here is the best emulation our kids could ever have: no matter our past mistakes, we have a Savior that always embraces us and uses what we’ve been through to grow us and make us better.
A refuge is a place where we go to escape danger and persecution (Merriam-Webster).
When Satan comes at us with his lies, we need to head to God and find refuge in Him. We don’t need to allow Satan to shower us with his deceptions.
9 The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed,
a refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 9:9, NLT).
When we begin to feel like we’re failing at this parenting thing, let’s focus on these Scriptures:
Deuteronomy 31:6~The Lord goes before us and He won’t fail us or abandon us.
Romans 5:4~ What we went through gives us strength, makes us realize how we need God and the hope He offers.
Isaiah 41:9~ God has chosen us to be parents to these kids. (let this sink in)
Proverbs 3:5-6~ Trust in God and He will help us as we parent these kids.
Once we realize God chose us in spite of our past, we can become confident in our role as a mother. He knows all the past events that make us cringe, feel shame and guilt and yet, He has blessed us. Let us become confident in our role as we depend on Him.
I totally agree with your point about how we need to remember messes and mistakes are a part of life. I tend to kick myself when I’m down, but God knows I’m not perfect and will never be perfect on this earth. AND He’s already forgiven me. So yes, I need to strive to be like Christ and continually seek God, but when I mess up, I need to trust that God will use it if I have the attitude of glorifying Him in all things!
Emily- Messes can be used for God’s message! When we believe this, messes and mistakes don’t get us down as much!
I was incredibly scared to be a mom because of the wounds I received from my own mom. Her significant insecurities often got placed onto me but I didn’t understand that at the time. I got picked apart often. What I received was that I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, and I would likely have to be someone else to be loved. It took such a long time to heal those wounds. Sometimes they still get ripped open. But thankfully I now have a better understanding of God’s unconditional love for me. That I am enough because I am His.
Melissa- I’m so sorry about what you went through! I’m so glad you’re trusting and believing in what God says. He will help you heal!
I have found that just copping to my faults and mistakes to my adult children help them to forgive and forget. I try to validate their experiences, even when mine differ. There is always time for restoration after the fact.
Alice- You sound like you’re encouraging and helpful to your kids! They are blessed to have you!
Yes to this: “When we focus on the lies, they grow, however when we remember God is using our past for our good, we can become an overcomer in Truth.” We need to put out the flaming arrows of our enemy!!!
Sasha- yes, we need to put on the armor of God even in our parenting roles!
Thank you for being so transparent. Yes… I wonder what God was thinking letting me be a mom… especially to my youngest with all her personality. Those kids know how to bring out the worst in me… but also the best. And God has changed me so much since becoming a mom. It is a blessings. I am learning to trust in Him.
Tiffany- God hand-picked those kids for you and is using them to grow you!
Focus makes all the difference in the world, doesn’t it? With eyes on the Lord, and counsel sounded from the Holy Spirit, parenting takes on a whole different look – and feel. Good encouragement, Julie. Parenting young ones proved difficult for me. I lacked confidence. But perhaps I placed it in the wrong hands. 😉 Blessings!
Kristi- If we keep our eyes on God, He promises to lead us through.
I’ve learned how God can take our past and use it for his purpose. We can trust Him to not hold our past against us.
Kristi- I’m glad you’ve learned this!
What an encouragement! I think as parents we all have those days (or sometimes even longer) that we just don’t feel that we can do it. We’re unsure of our ability and the enemy is right there ramping up an attack.
But when you sit there and think how God selected each of us to parent our children, I feel better. He has entrusted us to care for them and as we rely on Him, He will see us through.
“[…] no matter our past mistakes, we have a Savior that always embraces us and uses what we’ve been through to grow us and make us better.” Absolutely! He makes all things work for the good of His will. I believe this! I’ve seen this! I pray I ALWAYS remember!
Love this encouragement Julie! Too often we let past mistakes define us when God has already made us clean.
I so hope that God uses my imperfections to help lead my children to him! Here is a post that I wrote about how we can rejoice in those imperfections: http://survivingtoddlerhood.com/dear-momma-rejoice-in-your-imperfections/
I can relate. I often think of the therapy my kids will need to undo my bad messy parenting. lol. But I hope I am showing them reliance on God and asking for forgiveness and His strength.
Good post, special written for me 🙂
Super.