Why Romance In Your Marriage Needs to Happen Often
Inside: Husband and wife romance shouldn’t only be reserved for February, a husband-wife romance romance through the year needs to be happen Romance is important to marriage.
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With Valentine’s Day approaching, we might start to think about all things “love.” Hearts, kisses, and cards line the shelves of stores. February is known as “the one month of romance for couples here.” Commercialism seems to be setting the stage for making sure our money is spent on all things Valentine.
For many, Valentine’s Day is a big letdown. Did you know this special day has been celebrated for over 600 years? Lots of letdowns for married men and women over the years… I’m sure.
In fact, Hollywood has been displaying how married love should look in all the movies throughout the years. We might not realize it, but media has influenced our expectations about love and romance.
What Is Romance?
The definition of romance is: to entertain romantic thoughts or ideas, to try to influence or curry favor, especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery, too carry on a love affair with (Merriam-Webster).
The way God desires marriage is built on His love for us, the church.
After all, He loves us so much that He sent Jesus to us to die and take our sins away. God’s character is unconditional love, and He desires our marriage to be built on unconditional love, also.
To sum up, romance are the actions that flow out of unconditional love. Lust and attraction are feelings that can fade, so unconditional love becomes the intentional choice we live out each day.
In short, unconditional love doesn’t say “I don’t love you anymore; it says “I choose to love you and be committed to you for life.”
God’s a Romantic
When we make love a verb, we show affection and romance that further connects us with our spouse.
What if my husband doesn’t show affection to me… I’m not going to show it to him?
Actually, to be connected requires both spouses making a commitment both to love, show affection and romance.
God is a romantic, and He woos and sends us love notes. Did you know this?
God's biggest love sign was sending Jesus to us. #godslove #loved #Jesus Share on X(John 3:16, NLT).
16 For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
God’s Love Showers on Us
He gives us His love through sunsets, wildlife, songs, and moments where we know it was Him sending us something special that we needed. For example, when we experience feelings of loneliness, and suddenly a friend calls or someone stops by.
God loves romance. Think of stories from the Bible where He wooed, showed His love and turned bad situations into good.
Therefore, He created romance and gave us the gift of sex within marriage to connect a man and wife together creating husband-wife romance!
17-20 Your spring water is for you and you only,
not to be passed around among strangers.
Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—
don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.
Never take her love for granted!
Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore?
for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?
Ooh, la la!
Marriage Romance Happening Often
God leads us on an adventure with His love, exciting us and bringing us joy as He leads us. Therefore, why wouldn’t He desire the same for us in our covenant of marriage?
(Keep in mind romance doesn’t have to be sex; it can be physical and emotional affection)
Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage
A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual IntimacyMarriage: God’s Design for Intimacy (Lifeguide Bible Studies)From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your MarriageKiss Me Again: Restoring Lost Intimacy in MarriageNo More Headaches: Enjoying Sex & Intimacy in Marriage
How to Increase Romance in Your Marriage?
- Be attractive to your spouse (it doesn’t mean model looks, what does your husband find attractive in you and capitalize on it). Get his attention, keep him interested and win him over.
- Let go of excuses. Our husbands need us to desire them.
- Welcome romance and seek it out.
- Make the 1st move, surprise him.
- Be adventurous in romance.
- Know his love language (for more information on this, read this book)
It might feel foreign or awkward when you begin this, but like a new habit, the key is to keep being intentional. After all, we choose to take this action. Results might not happen right away, but you’re laying the groundwork for a better relationship over time and more connectedness.
How to Get Romance Back If It’s Been Missing for a Long Time…
Ask God to help, soften hearts, create desire and take action.
Take the action and keep forging ahead, even if there are little results.
Talk to your spouse about expectations and realities.
Ask for outside help from counselor, marriage retreats or devotional books.
Romance is an important element of our marriages. If we want to have long-term relationships, we need to be intentional. Romance shouldn’t only be reserved for February, a husband-wife romance needs to be practiced all year round.
This is great, Julie! Too often we save romance for a special occasion when it was meant to be an every day way of life. Learning that changed my marriage, and I am so glad it did.
Heather- thank you for sharing what you’ve learned!
What a beautiful reminder of how our romance in marriage is a reflection of the love that God has given us! Remembering love languages is one point that I try to remember each day!
Emily- thank you for sharing what helps your marriage!
It’s hard for a lot of Christian women to romance their husbands when they are demanding painful things in a selfish way in the bedroom. I don’t know any men who actually love their wives.
Susan- that is so sad:(
Yes, thank you for this! Its so easy to let romance go by the wayside when we are often in survival mode with the kids! But it’s SO important and has to be a priority!!!
Suzanne- I agree, it is hard when you’re exhausted with kids. I’m making it more of a priority!
Yes!! I love when this happens! “He gives us His love through sunsets, wildlife, songs, and moments where we know it was Him sending us something special that we needed.” The focus on romance only in February is actually the reason why my husband is not a fan of Valentine’s Day. He worked in the restaurant industry when we were just dating. So often he saw women getting dressed up and excited for their date only to be either let down or experience such a divide between that one day and the rest of the year.
Melissa- Romance is important all year long. I think your husband is wise 😉
Romance is a commitment to really hoor your spouse as well as your love for one another. It is miraculous what can happen when you introduce that focused care in each other.
Alice- it is important and is needed for a long-term marriage!
Great reminders! Romance is marriage is an amazing pleasure God has given!
Rachel- yes, it is!
I love this! My husband and I have definitely struggled in the past. We did not meet each other’s needs. I love in ways he doesn’t always appreciate. I have had to push myself to be better at speaking his language, and the same is true for him. One tip, that you pointed out, that has really helped me is prayer and praying specifically. Speak the issue (no matter how awkward) and pray it through. Thanks for sharing, Julie! <3
Katie- prayer has helped in our marriage also! Thank you for sharing your experience!
I love all of this, being vulnerable and willing to be romanced in the first place is a big part of this for me!
Hannah- thank you, I appreciate your encouragement!